New Journey
Sometimes, you just find yourself travelling a different road than the one who started in. Its not a crossroad, because theres really no other path to take. You cant even look back anymore. The decision to push on isnt yours to make, you are already there.
I remember my first day in high school. I moved into a new school, in a different place far from my house, far from my old school. I have been to that part of the city only once with my dad when I enrolled about a week ago. When you go anywhere with my dad, you dont worry about anything. You ride with him, he knows the way around. I was used to that, he would bring me to school and pick me up after.
The day started out as usual, my dad brought me and my sisters to school. I was last because my school was the farthest. Plenty of time, no problem, I got there in time. But my dad had to go to my old school because little sisters were still there. It didnt hit me that I was on my own until after the 4.30pm bell rang. It was time to go home. I had to go home by myself. I stepped out of the school gate and wham! What do I do next? There were plenty of jeepneys, buses and cars going in different directions. Which do I take? Which direction do I go?
After 30 minutes of indecision, I braved the crowds and got on a jeepney. I would take my chances with this one. It seemed reasonable that it was going the right direction. People were crowding in the 8-seater bench that the driver wanted nine people to fill up. Its rush hour, its the first day of school. I have never commuted before on my own. Tempers were short, the afternoon was humid, people were weird. There was one effeminate guy beside me who asked me where I go to school. I said: Manila Science. He mumbled: Manila Hair Science? What was that supposed to mean? I ignored him the rest of the way. What did I do this time? What should I do?
New journeys are daunting. They make you take stock of what you are and what you have. Most of the time, you dont measure up. You take a good look at yourself in the mirror and see that the years have passed you by and you have nothing to show for it. The people you started out with are miles and miles ahead of you. They really cant help you much, they wouldnt know how. They have passed the road you are in light years ago. They have never been in the same boat as you are now. And no one will ever be.
New journeys mean you are lost, you stepped outside your comfort zone. You are on your own. Things are different, some things changed, some lost for good… or bad. It really doesnt matter, you wont have them back anymore. You call on saints and angels to rescue you, you pray, you cry your eyes out, you beg to be returned. Theres no more turning back.
New journeys mean you go where you havent been before. It isnt what you have or what you know, they wont make any difference. They wont do you any good because you dont know what the new road has in store for you. You arent supposed to know, you just have to find out for yourself. Life just changed the playing field, you have to make a new path for yourself. No wonder you are scared, you are defenseless, you are on your own again.
New journeys, same old you. You try to remain constant while things around you change. You have only yourself. You are alone. You need to be strong, you have to be brave, you have to move on. Life will not stop for you. You are on your own no matter where you go.
