Day After Halloween
Samhain (SOW-en) is a powerfully symbolic holiday. Its more than just a time to remember the dead, it infers that even if everything dies, rebirth follows after. Its a time for new beginnings, too.
This insight is also timely in my case because I am preparing for a new beginning in my life as well. In two years time, I will hit the big 4-0, time when life should begin, in theory. Anyway, I have to make plans and a list of things to do to mark this milestone.
I will turn 40. I have lost my rose-colored glasses, among other things. I have a won some, lost some, gained a couple of excess baggage, became a little slower but I can still get jiggy with it, faster on the uptake though. I have changed from the naive, wide-eyed little boy who got lost in the wide, wild world. Now, I map my roads.
Crazy plan 1, bulk up. Its not healthy to be 5′6.5" tall and weigh only 124 lbs. I remember standing in front of a hallway mirror with my friend, a mom of 2 kids who still has her whistlebait figure, and being thinner than her. At first, I thught it was just a matter of being more active, so I took up a sport. It turns out sports made my muscles firmer, defined, but not bigger. In fact, I need to bulk up a little more if I want to up my game. However, while bulking up gives you power, it slows you down. Try carbo-loading, which to me is pigging out, before a game and feel how hard it is to move your legs and arms around.
Unfortunately, its not just a matter of pigging out. My fitness instructor wants me to eat within an hour after a workout. I tried eating out after a game after which I would turn in for the night. This is the best recipe for developing a gut.
Go to the gym, said my friend. Have you seen the gym-bunnies parading and flexing? It takes discipline to stick to a workout regimen. Gyms get old easily and irritating, sweaty people who dont give equipments a wipe down, machine-hogs and water-rationing in the shower. Lets not forget how painful sore muscles feel the day after, especially if you dont workout on a regular basis.
Crazy plan 2, invest. I have been toying with a business plan for some time. I have talked to some people. I am not keen on risktaking, it takes me forever to make a decision. Its not because the money is a problem, its there, its more because I procrastinate. Even just to buy clothes, it takes me 3 visits before I buy something. I am almost sold on the business idea, but here comes my mother borrowing capital. Who am I to turn her down when I still live in the house and mooch from her?
There is still some money earmarked for investments. I plan to put my money into better yielding investments than time deposits. Banks are highway robbers, I dont like them. It seems they have forgotten that depositors are their creditors, they make it so hard to put money in and harder to get it out. They think its still a seller’s market out there with their low yields. After they get your money, they dont remember you anymore. I have been with my bank for years and yet I havent recieved a single umbrella.
I have talked to a financial manager who will act as my agent. Thing is its a new investment medium. I am scared shitless of the risks. Who knows this might turn out to be a case of out of the pan and into the fire. I hope this investment doesnt turn out to be a lemon.
Crazy plan 3, join the labor force again. Money is becoming tight around here, like everywhere else. Although I dont pay the utility bills at the moment (I used to do that for 8 years), my mom still looks to me for financial bailouts. My dad is oblivious about our financial position, he thinks money grow on trees. I also suspect he needs some money for some reason which I have yet to discover. We used to go loggerheads when it comes to money. Its the young buck challenging the leader of the pack. He thinks my ways are untested, I think his ways are dumb.
However after working for some time, I have realized that I dont want to work for the government and somewhere far from home. I dont want to waste my day on the road commuting. At the current state of city traffic, its too much of a struggle just to get to the office in the morning, I havent much energy left to actually do some work. And I havent even touched on how impossible is my dad’s morning schedule.
Government work is public service, it’s almost a form of slavery. Considering that most of the employees are pencil pushers if they ever show up, or worse ghost employees, you literally have to do everything. Some people are simply useless, they are only there to make life miserable for everybody else. Then, just because they give you salary, you will be made to do as they please– dress code, id, bundy clock, code of ethics– all for the rank and file. Salary is not commensurate to work or qualification, but more to a list of plantilla which was made when the exchange rate was Php14=USD1. No wonder there is graft in government. its either that or die in penury, especially when you have a family. I wont go back until after I have established a business of my own. Otherwise, I dont know until when I could resist temptation.
Crazy plan 4, go back to school– learn a new skill, a foreign language, computers. Nothing beats the life of a student. Besides, kids have the funniest grammar. I could race my nephews who just got into college.
Crazy plan 5, write more. I like writing. I had some stories simmering at the back of my mind. I read a lot. A lot gets me fired up. I need an outlet. Its an outlet for me. Sometimes its a way to connect with other people who will hopefully be moved by what I put down on paper. I live inside my head most of the time, writing is just the content of my head written down.
Bottomline is I have to keep moving and busy. Life doesnt stop for anyone. Time waits for no one. I need the change, I need to mark my own milestones and cap them with headstones. I am not the little lost boy anymore who died with the passing of the years. This is the promise of Samhain, more beginnings as the old things die down and fade away. There is strength in change as there is in permanence. I dont need to choose, I need to bend and survive.
