A Different Approach To God
In my Philosophy of Religion class we discussed about different approaches to God and how to discover God’s presence in our lives. I remembered that my take was very funny, deriving God’s presence as a by-product of the ever stronger, more powerful martial art practitioners being featured courtesy of an adolescent fascination on chinese martial art shows shown over the telly during lull times in the afternoon. I concluded that in view of the fact that the there was always a better, stronger, fiercer practitioner of the martial arts, there should be one who could whoop everybody else’s ass which, in all calculation, should be the Supreme Being. It was such a relief that Manny Dy, a leading local authority in Philosophy, gave me a decent grade for an answer which sounded like it came from a lost boy who had been sitting way too long in front of the television set.
Its not very original, I’m sure it has been done before. The only thing new with it is that finally the approach has become personal. Recently, I went through a phase in life which was characterized by extreme self-fulfillment and happiness followed by extreme depression. It isnt hard to conclude that I went through a breakup. (Hahahaha) It was a period of being totally complete and satisfied and then a period of feeling completely without self-worth. In my brokeness, my confessor said I should find God in the cracks to make myself whole again.
How do you do that? You feel you are the ugliest and most undesirable person in the world, there is nothing you can do, no amount of good works, kindness, smartness and understanding could redeem you. Who would choose you over some other guy who happens to be physically attractive? You tried to choose wisely, avoiding the purely lustful attraction and the purely beautiful face. You rearranged your life to accommodate another person. You opened your home and family to this other person and you made the effort to know his family as well. You live the quiet life of contentment, looking forward to new challenges. The life of flirtations was a thing of the past. Things looked like it was going very well, you overcome a lot of hesitations on the pretext that your guy was completely decided on you. Then you are dropped the bomb: he didnt feel the same way towards you as before (read: met somebody else).
You were a good boy and yet you were dumped. You must be the world’s biggest loser, another fool who leapt and didnt bother to look where to land. Why didnt you hedge, why did you give it your all?
Who else do you turn to but someone who was similarly shunned. The Corner Stone that was turned away… He must be the one who sees everything inside you and your efforts in the past. He is the one who looks into the heart and soul of people and not at the outward, physical appearance. He must be the one whose commands you wholeheartedly follow despite the temptations of the world.
I backtracked, going back to the time when I was alone by myself. I remembered those things that I believed in. Those things that made me who I am. In between moments of continuous crying and loneliness, I was clinging on to God as I clinged to all the things that still remained alive in myself. I could not accept that love meant you sleep around but keep emotionally faithful to only one. I could not accept that true and faithful love to one is diametrically opposed to self-preservation. Commitments are meant to be broken and men are polygamous by nature. My friends tell me this over and over again as if to say that this is the way of the world and you cant go against it without hurting yourself as I was hurting back then.
Problem was those were not my ways. Either I give up the world or I change myself. Only one thing should prevail. Those who are playing around appears to have the upper hand. What is there for those who have scrupples in their shoes? Virtue is its own reward. Thats so true. Is there any other reward for keeping a relationship with God aside from having such a relationship?
Otto says that most encounters with the Divine is characterized by mysterium tremendum. There is always that element which escapes comprehension that scares you. In my case, the hopelessness of my cause is that which i cant put my finger on but as time went by i gradually accepted that this too is mysterium tremendum in the sense that its not meant to be explained away by reason. It just happens to be so. Its not for rationalization.
People say that relationships are supposed to end like anything that has a beginning. I dont think so, the fact that a lot ends does not justify why we break our commitments. Its not meant to be like the season, its supposed to last. Why should you get into one when you know its not gonna last? Its a waste of time, if thats true.
Its only the presence of God which justify the honoring of commitments and protection of relationships in the same way that only He can validate my virtuousness which is hidden and taken for granted. Since I believe, there is reason to hope for a commitment that will last with someone who believes as well.
To be continued… (not to mention edited)
